Parenting in a Tech-Filled World
The Smartphone is an extremely useful piece of technology; it helps us find our way around, read about things we find interesting, talk to our friends, and do a hundred other things we don’t even think about. Phones really aren’t a problem if we use them as tools to do what they’re made for. However, they are a problem when they become a source of life; a piece of technology using us.
“Our challenge, more than ever, is to hold on to our children. If we can hold on to them, we can make them immune to the dark side of the digital revolution. We must give them a chance to mature so that they can become masters of these new tools, not their slaves.” Gabor Mate
As a psychotherapist, I have noticed that excessive screen time is one of the most challenging and recurring struggles among parents in 2023. When this topic comes up, I tell parents the only way to keep kids from falling into digital temptation is creating space for nurturing family interaction—and the earlier the better. When we implement family rules, parent-child contracts, challenges, structures, and rituals to keep digital access under control in the home, kids will be much more likely to choose activities that do not involve screens.
The best time for digital connection comes after warm and fulfilling real-life connections with our children. To protect these times of fulfilling child-parent connections, we need to create digital-free zones in our homes and schedules. When we block out mealtimes, family time, and bedtimes, we create the perfect places to provide family connection and slow down digital obsession.
As parents, it is our job to establish rules for our family’s tech usage, and the key is being especially consistent with the rules for the first few weeks. If we fail to follow our own rules, how will our kids learn that they hold value? When our children sense our moments of weakness and keep asking us for more screen time until we want to give in, we must hold the boundary firm. Despite our children’s universal and immediate access to information, when we set boundaries for tech usage, we have the opportunity and privilege to relay information to them safely and appropriately.
Let's shift gears and think about the 4th Beatitude for a moment: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied.” (Matthew 5:6). Using this holy metaphor, Jesus reminds us that God is the only one who can truly satisfy our hunger and thirst. No matter what we seek, everything we long for will ultimately leave us looking for more because we want a fullness that only God can provide. Although the world wants us to fill our lives with more and more things that we think will make us happy and content, the truth is true feelings of happiness and contentment are felt through Christ. Pay attention to what sort of things your children hunger for. Do they want the newest phone or video game, or to be popular at school or on social media? It’s not necessarily wrong to want any of these things; who doesn’t want to be liked or to have new gadgets? We just want to help our children remember that texting on a new phone, playing a new video game, or experiencing a new-found popularity may feel good for a while, but the feeling is not meant to last.
After years of practice, I know that young people addicted to technology are really just missing meaning and passion in their lives. The good news is, as parents, we have the power to help our kids re-write and edit their own personal narratives. When we ask our kids how they can create meaning in their lives, and give them the tools to do so, we satiate them by offering them opportunities to discover their divine purpose. Then, when we help our kids learn to use the tools and gifts they’ve been given for a greater good, we can help them become who they were made to be: useful members of their communities.
Written by Elizabeth Taquechel, LCSW
