Grief & Loss During COVID-19
Have you been feeling sad lately?
If so, you may be grieving loss and not even realize it. Grief refers to the personal physical, social and psychological experiences of loss. Loss is inevitable in our lives, and thus, so is grief. It is natural to try to avoid the negative feeling of sadness that comes with loss, but the truth is that in order to get over our losses in healthy ways, we must acknowledge them and honor them. If we do so, our sadness will actually subside more quickly. As Wellspring CoFounder Christine Schlottman says, “He who grieves well, lives well.”
So which losses deserve our sadness and attention?
First and most obvious is the loss of life that over 144,000 families in America have experienced due to COVID. The loss of life by any cause includes a process of mourning that is usually appreciated as valuable in our society.
There are many other types of losses, however, which may also cause us sadness, but for which we do not readily give ourselves permission to grieve.
For example, do you allow yourself to grieve the loss of any of these?
Celebrations with others (graduations, weddings, birthdays)
A sense of safety (health fears, societal unrest, political hostility)
Personal socializing (family, friends, coworkers, church, communities)
Liberty (to travel, shop, eat out, socialize, go on vacation)
Physical touch (hugs and kisses from loved ones, hand-shaking)
Economic security (job losses, business closures, pay reductions)
“Normal” (whatever we were used to before or expected for the future)
All change include loss, even positive changes of our own choosing. For example, the birth of a baby is joyous, but most parents grieve the loss of sleep!
Grieve Well
To “grieve well” is to acknowledge the loss for what it is. Denial only slows the process of healing, but an honest assessment of what is gone is the beginning of the healthy process of recovery. The next step in recovery is to allow ourselves to feel and express the grief. This can be through story-telling to others, writing, art, or symbolic actions. All of these expressions give honor to what we have lost and are opportunities to express gratitude along the way.
Take Actions
The next step of recovery is to take actions that are within our control to make the best of the loss. When we do something to either honor the loss, replace the loss or adjust to the loss, we feel less helpless and more hopeful and empowered. Examples might be creating an at-home exercise space in order to grieve the loss of a gym, or fostering a pet to address the loss of human contact. The last stage of recovery from losses is to begin to accept the new normal and to look for good things that may come out of this unwanted change.
Note that permanent losses are actually easier to grieve than losses that are without closure. The uncertainty of any “end” to COVID and its consequences is an example of loss without closure. This is all the more reason for us to give ourselves permission to actively acknowledge, honor and grieve what we have lost. If we avoid these steps of mourning, we may put ourselves at risk of even more sadness and possibly depression.
Take heart, God wants to bring you comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). You are also not alone in your grief. We are all suffering losses, and support is available if you need it.
Learn more about our Grief & Loss online therapy group or our Depression online therapy group
This Week's Episode of Wellspring On the Air:
Grief & Loss during COVID-19with Lindsey Steffen, LMHC, and Salima Harris
